FO' SHIZZLE
by potterprose
Summary: Dumbledore has a plan. Harry has a Dance-Off. Hilarity ensues. Read for the ultimate in parody pleasure.


[AUTHOR'S NOTE] Right. I can never seem to finish anything I start (case in point – _Flashback_). So I tend to write a plethora of parodies and one-shots. Hrm. THE END. Oh yeah, review please. 

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Severus Snape was a Death Eater. Severus Snape was a spy, pretending to be loyal to Voldemort. Severus Snape had a meeting with Dumbledore in a few moments. And, quite obviously, Severus Snape liked puppies.

He waited impatiently as the stairs elevated him towards the Headmasters office. He didn't even have to knock on the door. Dumbledore opened it wide, gave a giant smile, and enveloped him in a bear hug. For any of you unfortunate enough to not understand what a bear hug is, it's simply a very big and very tight embrace. Quite like what one would imagine a bear would do if it were to ever hug another bear. Oh yes, he also gave his crotch a little squeeze. Not too hard. Just right. 

Severus Snape was also very fond of bear hugs. And Albus Dumbledore was a damned good bear hugger.

The two sat and the Headmaster looked down at Snape kindly with his twinkling blue eyes through half-moon spectacles. Immediately, the older man whipped off his glasses and began rubbing his eyes feverishly. 

"Whatever is the matter, Albus?"

Dumbledore stopped for a moment and slowly blinked a few times. 

"That damned twinkle again.. I don't think anybody realizes how much it itches."

Snape was silent. 

Dumbledore was silent.

Snape gulped.

And three floors above them, two second years were making outstanding sexual discoveries in a random broom closet.

It was silent.

Suddenly, it stopped being silent. "I have a plan," Dumbledore explained.

"Ah. Well, I sincerely hope that it is most devious."

"It is Sevy, it is."

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Meanwhile, Harold James Potter was having a run-in with the blondest, evilest, and quite obviously, the sexiest Slytherin IN THE WORLD.

"Hello, **POTTER**," Draco spat (literally).

Harry stopped in his tracks, took out his lens cleaner, spritzed his glasses, and dried them with his handkerchief. Then continuing as if nothing had happened, he raised a single eyebrow and said, "Hello.. snake boy." 

For a moment, Draco was taken aback by Harry's suddenly silky and sensual voice, but he soon masked it with contempt. The Boy-Who-Lived began circling around Draco, and Draco followed suit. 

Suddenly, without warning, Harry stopped, spun, and ended with a pose and jazz hands. 

Draco, feeling threatened, dropped to his stomach and did the worm. 

Soon a crowd was filling in around them. The Dance-Off vibes in the air were in full force and not even Professor McGonagall could resist the temptation of witnessing this historic event. Colin Creevey was snapping pictures left and right, asking Harry to do the jazz hands one more time, and Neville Longbottom was selling water bottles and baseball caps, commemorating the event. Fred and George were selling over-priced tickets. 

Within five minutes, the two rivals had begun a perfectly choreographed dance, in perfect unison. Draco began to rap.

"I wanna take a minute or two and give much respect to, to the man that's made a difference in my world."

Then Harry, "And although most men are hoes, he goes on the down low  'cause I've never heard about him with another girl."

Hermione, Crabbe, Goyle, and Ron came out in black halter tops, along with crimson and forest green hot pants, and began shaking their little British bums like there was no tomorrow. Needless to say, Ron and Crabbe were favorites among the crowd. 

Seamus Finnigan licked his lips and stuffed a few galleons down Ron's top. Parvati smacked Goyle's round bottom. 

Draco continued, "So here's to the future 'cause we got through the past. I finally found somebody who could make me laugh." Harry let out a hearty laugh and said, "You so crazy.. I think I wanna have your baby."

As soon as the Dance-Off started, it ended. Within seconds the crowd dispersed, the music stopped, the lighting fixtures gave off their normal color, and the disco ball stopped spinning.

"Until next time, **POTTER**." Draco spun on his heel and walked away.

This time, Harry only wiped the spit off his face to scrape it into a glass jar marked [SPIT O' DRACO] ™. You can't tell anybody, but it's rumored that once he collects the right amount of spit, he bathes in it. But really, you can't tell anyone. I heard it was a tri-annual ritual he performs. Also, he steals Malfoy's underwear and blends it into a smoothie to drink while he takes the bath. People say that he puts a little tropical umbrella in it too, to add to the atmosphere. Seriously though, don't tell anyone I told you this.

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[AUTHOR'S NOTE] – What is Albus' devious plan? Will there ever be another Dance-Off? And who stole Snape's Diet Coke? Find out all this and more in the next installment of FO' SHIZZLE.

P.S. I highly suggest you review if you are looking forward to the next installment.. little reader interest = little author interest. Don't be a foo, revoo!


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